It didn't left me at all...Yes...It hurts real bad...
Listening to all the words about it...
Finding answers to reply the questions about it...
This is really killing...honestly...

Why?
Am I really injured that bad?
I hate this feeling...and putting salt on it ain't helping anything...
I may put on a smile...
But inside...
I'm crying for help...
I'm dying for someone to save me...
I'm shouting...
I really really don't know...til now...not one word...not one answer...
What really happened was all too quick for me...
And it's building up itself inside of me...
One day...it will surely burst out...like the magma pushing it's way up the crust...
I hope the day it explodes...no one will be around me and witness it...

Even my writing was affected by it...
My mind couldn't organize properly whenever it hits me...
My sight couldn't be put straight whenever I'm reminded...
O I really cried to my Lord...I'm really a weak and wicked servant Yes I'm...
What knowledge and talents given by You...I have not double it...
I did not do what I'm suppose to instead I fell into the pits of the world...
Drawn into it and stuck inside it...
I've failed...over and over...

Ache...in my heart...and my body...
Tired...in my soul...and my mind...
Why...have I been worn down and torn to pieces...
Like shattered pieces of a mirror smashed on the floor...
Bits and bits lost...A hard puzzle to put it all back together...
With my hands...I couldn't repair it completely...
Pieces destroyed into dust...blown away by reality...
I couldn't get a mirror just as before...

But it be my hand that can't do things like this...

I forgotten that I have a Father above all wisdom and knowledge...
I pushed aside the Father that watches and cares for me above everything...
The Father that loves me...The Father that forgives me...
I just have to come back to Him...and beg for His mercy and forgiveness...

I want to kneel down...Lay all of myself down to Him...
I really failed...I'm really weak...
O what words can I say...No words can express the feeling I have...
I want to say my sorries so eagerly...
Neither shout nor scream can express...
Neither cry nor yell can relieve me...
Whole-heartily...I give myself up to You...
You lead my way...now and always...
I know I will somehow grab away the decision making authority...
Because I forgotten that I couldn't do that...
When I think I'm free to do what I want...
I forgotten that I'm just a free bird in a large cage...
I need You...more than anything...
But I keep letting You down when I turned away and give my love to other things that I shouldn't...
Forgive me...
Relieve me...
Receive me...