Know why my mind is so jammed...
Sometimes, I wanna lie to myself...
That you have your reasons to do this to me...
Sometimes, I just give up...
And put myself in a devastated situation...
If only I could ask you...
If only you would answer...
Maybe it wouldn't be such an headache now...

But you chose not to let me know...
I couldn't understand...maybe I'm meant to understand you...
Sometimes, I will dream back those times...
When I purposely stayed back...
Every last moment...stayed crystal clear in my memories...
For I tried to remember them whenever wherever I could...
Terrified, that it might leave me someday...

How long have it been since that day...
You never said a goodbye...
A few times, I tried to approach...
A few times, my courage falls...
Now I'm too afraid to try anything...
Fear for disappointment filled my mind...

I still wanna thank you...
For showing me how real this world is...
For teaching me how to smile and cry at the same time...
I've wondered...
Am I just a tiny bit in your beautiful life?
Throwing me away is O' so easy...
Just to let you know...
Throwing you away is impossible...

I've forgotten to tell you back then...
It's rude not to say goodbye when you're leaving someone...
A "hello" must end with a "goodbye"...
Well...
I know it's hard for me to say...
Hope it's the same for you...
Even if we are to say it...
I want to say it together with my blessings...
Hoping you will remember to pray daily...
Hoping you will remember to eat regularly...
Hoping you will remember to sleep early...
Hoping you will remember to smile gladly...
...
Hoping you will remember...









This PolyU Project is driving me crazy~

The answer's yes...
After what you've gave me...I don't know how to face myself again...
You've hurt me not in one single way...
But continuous blow kept on coming...

This is not at all...
How we thought it was supposed to be...
And nothing we can say...nothing we can do...
Can take away the pain...the pain of losing you...
But...
We can cry with hope...
We can grieve with hope...
Cause we know our goodbye is not the end...

Never have I know...
Anything so hard to understand...
And never have I questioned more...
The wisdom of God's plan...

I can only imagine,
what it will be like...when I walk by your side...
I can only imagine,
what my eyes will see...when your face is before me...
I can only imagine...

Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe will I be still?
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah? Will I I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine...

Little or big things...Light or heavy...
They have touched my heart and paved a different path for me...
Every moment, I was reminded that I should be grateful...
'Cause I believe...only by this Grace could I be typing out this article...



Sometimes deep at night...
Your image came across my mind...
and in my dreams...you're like a distanced light that I couldn't reach...
Even how tired and exhausted I am...I tried to get to you...
I kept my eyes on you...
So afraid that your face will be a lost memory...
Now...
I can only imagine...
Will I stand still in awe...
The moment I reached you...

I shouldn't be sitting here actually...but I know I can't sleep if I don't do this...
Well...things just ain't going the way it should be...or maybe the way I THINK it should be...
Once again I asked myself...Should I torture myself with all of these? I could just close my eyes and act like nothing ever happened...I am worned down and torned to pieces...I keep on telling myself I am heading for the ground and my world getting darker...The music fades out...The hopes burn out...Yes, I'm not feeling right, not feeling fine, not feeling what I want to......

I know I shouldn't...but human are weak...and wicked...
I just feel unfair and unjust watching the lives around me shining brighter and brighter...
and yet I'm dimming...
No, it's not fair at all...
In my own scale, these aren't fair...these aren't appropriate...

I know who to look for..,
and I should do that now...

Days...came nearer...I still remember you know? When we cherrish the days not seperated...
I know...There's no way turning back...and no point as well...
What can I do? After this few hours...we might as well become real strangers...
But day after day...You remain hovering in my mind...
Hanging by a thread...
Clutching on to the memories...
Day after day...I asked myself...the same questions...
My hands are still holding the line too small to see...The thing left that connects us...

Go...as you want...
This line that's connecting us...will always be here...
Keeping it in my heart...the safest place I could find...

It didn't left me at all...Yes...It hurts real bad...
Listening to all the words about it...
Finding answers to reply the questions about it...
This is really killing...honestly...

Why?
Am I really injured that bad?
I hate this feeling...and putting salt on it ain't helping anything...
I may put on a smile...
But inside...
I'm crying for help...
I'm dying for someone to save me...
I'm shouting...
I really really don't know...til now...not one word...not one answer...
What really happened was all too quick for me...
And it's building up itself inside of me...
One day...it will surely burst out...like the magma pushing it's way up the crust...
I hope the day it explodes...no one will be around me and witness it...

Even my writing was affected by it...
My mind couldn't organize properly whenever it hits me...
My sight couldn't be put straight whenever I'm reminded...
O I really cried to my Lord...I'm really a weak and wicked servant Yes I'm...
What knowledge and talents given by You...I have not double it...
I did not do what I'm suppose to instead I fell into the pits of the world...
Drawn into it and stuck inside it...
I've failed...over and over...

Ache...in my heart...and my body...
Tired...in my soul...and my mind...
Why...have I been worn down and torn to pieces...
Like shattered pieces of a mirror smashed on the floor...
Bits and bits lost...A hard puzzle to put it all back together...
With my hands...I couldn't repair it completely...
Pieces destroyed into dust...blown away by reality...
I couldn't get a mirror just as before...

But it be my hand that can't do things like this...

I forgotten that I have a Father above all wisdom and knowledge...
I pushed aside the Father that watches and cares for me above everything...
The Father that loves me...The Father that forgives me...
I just have to come back to Him...and beg for His mercy and forgiveness...

I want to kneel down...Lay all of myself down to Him...
I really failed...I'm really weak...
O what words can I say...No words can express the feeling I have...
I want to say my sorries so eagerly...
Neither shout nor scream can express...
Neither cry nor yell can relieve me...
Whole-heartily...I give myself up to You...
You lead my way...now and always...
I know I will somehow grab away the decision making authority...
Because I forgotten that I couldn't do that...
When I think I'm free to do what I want...
I forgotten that I'm just a free bird in a large cage...
I need You...more than anything...
But I keep letting You down when I turned away and give my love to other things that I shouldn't...
Forgive me...
Relieve me...
Receive me...